Have I done a post on indie writer blues? I’m not sure if I have, and I don’t really feel like surfing through all my old posts.
Today, when I say “indie writer blues,” I’m talking about that nagging voice in my head that keeps reminding me of how many books I’ve sold. (Not a lot.) It also likes to remind me of how many books it takes to be a bestseller, how far I am away from that number, and how many other authors have gotten there.
Yes, yes, “the odds are against me.” I’ve been told. I’ve told myself that. I’ve written it on a sticky note and stuck it on my desk.
But today is one of those days were it feel further than it did before. As an indie author, I’m less likely to land on the bestseller list. People are less likely to take a chance on an unknown author and really less likely to take a chance on an unknown indie author. It’s the hardship we face. It’s the assumptions people make about indie writers being bad writers. (Or maybe I’m secretly a bad writer and no one’s been kind enough to blow the whistle in my face.)
Sure, there are bad indie writers out there, but we’re not all bad. I’d like to consider myself a good writer, but am I the best judge of that? No, of course not. Sure, I like the books I’ve written and the stories I’m working on, but that’s like my mother saying that I’m pretty. Of course, she’d say that. No decent mother would admit that her daughter was unattractive to her face.
And it seems like there’s a never ending list of indie authors with books they want to push. Everyone wants to get their book read, but they’re not so keen on being the reader. It just feels like there are more writers than readers, and sometimes it feels like the people doing the writing aren’t readers. Does that make sense?
I’m feeling the blues about the whole “indie” affair. I’m feeling pushed aside because of my indie status and about not landing an agent; does that make me a bad writer? I don’t know. “Good” and “bad” are subjective, and like agents, barely mean anything anymore.
I suppose this is the reality of writing. Most writers don’t hit the big-time. Most authors are small-time with day jobs and big dreams. We all want to think that we’ll be the next big author whose books get made into a well-loved movie. But, truth is, we probably won’t be.
Am I accepting defeat? Fudge no! I’ll keep on writing whether or not I get to the big time or to the bestseller list. I write, therefore I am a writer. If I cease to write, I cease to be. So I’ll keep trudging through the waters of indie-land with the hope in the back of my mind that I’ll break through.