What the **** am I doing?

Every have one of those days where you asked yourself, “What the **** am I doing?” Am I writing something worth reading? Worth paying money for? Am I wasting my prime locked in my bedroom? Is the sacrifice of my sex life worth it? Will it pay off? Am I a joke?

Sometimes, I see the ridiculousness in my life. I spend hours every day in my room, at my computer, writing, editing, trying to be a writer. I don’t have a group of super-cool writer friends to discuss with, and trying to find a writing group on the internet is like throwing meat into a bear cage and then sticking your hand in. Everyone wants feedback on their YA fantasy, but nobody wants to have to read yours.

I need to find me one of those rare males that like to read fantasy that isn’t 300 pounds and awkward like he’s never seem a female before. (Fun activity: be a semi-attractive female and walk into a nerd store. For bonus points, where a skirt.)

Half the time, I don’t know what I’m doing. The past three years have been literally me wading through the indie pool trying not to drown and get lost or screw up so badly I’ll have to find a new pen name.

Also – Happy Halloween. Don’t forget to dress up, because today is the one day a year that it is socially acceptable to dress like a pirate in public.

2 thoughts on “What the **** am I doing?

  1. I think we all get there, some sooner than others.
    Just remember this: 98% of people who ‘want to write a novel’ never get the first one finished. 98% who do finish the first novel don’t get it published (self or otherwise). 98% of people who finish their first novel never write a second.
    You’ve gone beyond that.
    Someone (a smart-aleck) said it takes 10,000 hours to learn a craft to the state of mastery, which means the practical effort to keep doing and learning the craft until – well, forever, because we never stop learning, do we (audience needs change, our views change, the world changes)?
    And of the ones who persevere and get out there? 2% make the most money; 12-14% make enough to live on, and the rest are called ‘the tail’ – but for readers to know who you are, you need a back-list, and a tough hide, and a will to continue (oh, and good stories).
    So, how long were the ‘famous’ authors waiting for their ship to come in? If you check their first publication date against the first ‘highlights’ of their career, it can be some time, years, even.
    So, short story long (as always), persistence is the key (and a good story). And faith in your own abilities. And the occasional shot in the arm when someone says something nice about your story.
    [note: percentages are approximate, possibly out of date, but still representative – and if you want a ‘reader’ – I’ll put my hand up after NaNo.]


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